Children are the main thing, everything for them: rest where they feel good, the family budget for the needs of the child. Parents forget about themselves, trying to give the best to the child, and do not understand that they only teach the future adult to consider themselves an empty place. About this column director Elena Pogrebizhskaya.
I’m going in a minibus. The people beat. The driver is apparently in a hurry, because our bus is not only rushing at high speed, the driver also maneuns between cars, like a police car from American films.
We all jump and almost fall from the chairs into the passages. Now, I think, I will tell the driver that it is not fire. But a woman with a child in her arms was ahead of me. She got up and angrily shouted to the driver: “Why are you going at such a speed? I’m with the child. And if he breaks?”
Excellent, I think, and here we let them beat, 30 adults are an unimportant trifle, apparently, and even she and her life are also not worth anything, the main thing is that the baby is not injured.
I am leading a documentary film club – we watch good documentary films, and then discuss them. And so we watched a cool film about labor migrants, there is a violent discussion.
One lady gets up and says: “You know, this is a wonderful movie. I looked, I could not tear myself away, he opened my eyes a lot. This is such a good film that children need to show it “. I tell her: “And adults do not need?”
“Yes,” she said in such a tone, as if we had a serious discovery with her now, “really, and adults”.
I am very happy when the family has two equivalents of attention, the first center is adults, the second – children
Now you want to play the game? I
will tell you the phrase, and you add one word to it. Only the condition is this: you need to add a word without hesitation. So, the phrase: a charity assistance fund (intonation up) ..
What word you said? Children? Right, and I have the same result. Nine of my friends also told the “children”, and one, without hesitation, answered “animals”.
And now I want to ask: what about adults? How many adult assistance funds in Russia and is it easy for it to work? The answer is obvious – the funds for helping seriously ill adults are literally a few, and collect money to help adults, and not children, very, very difficult.
Who really needs these adults?
I am very happy when in the family – and let in the whole society too – two equivalents of attention, the first center – adults, the second – children.
My friend Tanya with a six -year -old son Petya traveled all over Europe. Petin Dad sat in Moscow and earned money for it. Petya to his six was so independent and sociable that in the hotel he often got acquainted with adults.
When we all went on an equestrian walk together once, Petya said that he would go on horseback too, and his mother agreed, Petya decided – let him go. And although, of course, she watched him out of the corner of her eye, he rode the horse as calmly as everything. That is, she did not click on him and did not shake. In general, Petya and his mother, Tatyana, were an excellent company on vacation. Yes, and me.
Tanya with the birth of a child did not live some other life, did not rotate around the little Peter, like the gray land around the shining sun, and gradually entered the boy into the life that she lived before him. Here, in my opinion, is the right family system.
A man is no longer a man, not a husband, not a professional, not a lover or even a man. He is “dad”. And the woman is similar
And I still have friends, where the relationships of adults and children are exactly the opposite of this. Everything in their lives is arranged as convenient for children, and parents tell themselves that they will suffer. And tolerate. Years. Now Yegor and Dasha are resting not where they want, but where it is convenient for children, where animators will come running and make children well. And adults? My favorite question.
And adults have ceased to be important to themselves. Now they are saving money for a children’s birthday, for renting cafes and clowns and have not been buying anything for a long time. They even lost their names, a young man and a young woman for thirty more no longer called Yegor and Dasha. She tells him: “Dad, what time will you be at home?“I don’t know,” he answers, “probably at eight hours”.
And to his wife, of course, he no longer addresses by name and does not even tell her “dear”. He tells her “mother”, although, you see, she is not his mother. My friends lost all their identifications – and the man is no longer a person, not a husband, not a professional, not a lover or even a man. He is “dad”. And the woman is similar.
Of course, the one who was once called Dasha sleeps little, she is engaged with children all the time. She tolerates her diseases on her feet, she has no time to be treated. She sacrifices herself every day and makes her husband do the same, although he resists a little.
A man named dad and a woman named Mom thinks that they give children the best, but in my opinion, they actually teach children not to take care of themselves and show an example of how to consider themselves an empty place.
Elena Pogogizhskaya Pages in social networks: Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) / Vkontakte